A Woman of Independent Means by Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Not many books do I read more than once. This was one. I read it about 35 years ago when I was busy raising 5 kids, and a husband, and it had a big impact on my life. I have just requested it from the library so that I can read it again! I can’t think of higher praise I could give for any book. It was recommended to me by my mother who, I believe, identified with Bess. I certainly saw the comparisons when I read it, as did my sisters.

One reviewer described the story as "A portrait of a woman with all her frailties, strengths, failures and victories combining to prove that living a life is an accomplishment.” Told through personal letters covering a period of about 60 years, it introduced several significant characters without having to keep track of too many. The author was skillful with the flow and cohesiveness of the story despite the lack of return letters, and I enjoyed this epistolary style. One of its strengths was giving the reader the opportunity to read between the lines and see the letter writer’s flaws revealed, flaws of which the character herself was unaware. It made her presence real and authentic. Another thing I found interesting was how she described events in her life differently, depending to whom she was writing. She acknowledges this very human trait in herself when she writes the following:

"by compressing and editing the events of my life, I infuse them with a dramatic intensity totally lacking at the time, but oddly enough I find that years later what I remember is not the event as I lived it but as I described it in a letter.”

Bess, the protagonist, was a fully fleshed out, sympathetic character. I cried when she cried and rejoiced when she rejoiced. I understood her struggles between social conventions and personal choices. She was not a perfect person and some of those choices were unwise. They conveyed a feeling to her children that foreign travel and social status were more valued than they. She was more excited about an article mentioning her in the New York Times than she was about the arrival of another great-grandchild. In her latter years she did not seem to recognize this choice as the cause of a distance between herself and her children.

My feelings for Bess veered between deep admiration and frustration: admiration for her optimism and determination in the face of all the misfortunes in her life, and frustration for her prideful opinions and treatment of others. She maintained a fine thread of control in the lives of her children, and then was truly surprised and hurt by the distance between her and them as adults.

The book inspired me to consider the influence and extent (and limits) of my own words and actions upon the lives of my children and gave me a determination to establish a close relationship with them, especially with my daughters. There were a few of scenes that were so moving I'll never forget them. One of these was a point where she expressed her opinion that a woman needs to have some money of her own. Due to circumstances and persons in my own life at the time, this was something that had a strong impact. Another was a point when Bess realized that if she wanted something done right, she would have to do it herself, a realization I came to myself at the time I read it.

The book clearly gives a social picture of each generation covered. The huge historic and cultural changes of the era come alive through Bess's gaze, and it's fascinating to see her struggling. Her determination and success in handling those things were admirable and inspiring.

This is a short read with a good deal of depth. There is some humor and the story is wonderful.
It will touch your heart, inspire you and make you think. In the words of another reviewer, “Read it slowly, savor it, enjoy it, and then... remember it forever.”

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